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The best marriage jokes A man walks into a barber shop and says, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine. The man says, “You and I should spend some time in a hotel room. He’s the one shaving you. I don’t have to answer that question! Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes? The bartender asks, “What’s the matter? The bartenders asks, “What’s wrong this time? Then the bartender asks, “Doesn’t anyone in your family like women?


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Cavendish Press Get daily news updates directly to your inbox Subscribe Thank you for subscribingWe have more newsletters Show me See our privacy notice Could not subscribe, try again laterInvalid Email An obese accountant who was dumped by his ex-girlfriend on Valentine’s Day has found love again after shedding an amazing 22 stone. Jason McDonald, 28, was jilted by his lover after his weight ballooned to 36 stone through his love of fast food.

He was even affectionately nicknamed ‘Big Mac’ because of the amount of burgers he wolfed down. But when his then partner ditched him and advised him to lose the pounds, Jason, from Stretford, Manchester vowed to cut out the junk food and went to the gym instead and began eating healthily. Jason beforehand, when his junk food habits were out of control Image: Cavendish Press Now two years on he weighs just 14 stone and has started dating former schoolfriend Rebecca Bellanfante, He shed an impressive 22 stone in two years Image: Cavendish Press “The fact is I’ve met the woman of my dreams and for the first time in my life, I feel truly happy in myself.

Obese family shed 26 STONE between them after medical problems inspire new life Doctors warned that if he didn’t curb his dangerous dining habits, he was likely to develop type 2 diabetes. Eventually in February his girlfriend ditched him after they spent a Valentines weekend away in London. I was at rock bottom, truly believing it was the end for me. She had me convinced I was wholly unlovable and a complete embarrassment.

His former clothes are now twice the size of him Image:

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Leeds speed dating is a night out you won’t forget. Still unsure of how the whole speed-dating thing works? Manchester Dating Events and Tickets If your date seems to be talking about him or herself for far too long, try to chime in with a relatable experience you have had or an interest you have in common. Steeped in medieval history, Leeds comes alive when the sun goes down; with your new speed dating friend or partner head to Call Lane, Millenium Square or further off the beaten track for a fantastic selection of bars, pubs, comedy and live music any night of the week.

These speed dates are arranged in a variety of age groups and following on from the night you will have an opportunity to swap contact details with anyone you hit it off with, you are in complete control of who receives your personal details. This is fantastic way to have 20 mini dates in one evening with a lot of laughs and friendly faces.

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From unique steakhouses to Parisian bistros and surprising cafes, Leeds is full of places to grab a bite on the most romantic day of the year — but where should you go for? Finish the night with coffee, petit fours and a Polaroid of the two of you that you can take home. The Veggie One Credit: Giles Smith Is it cheating to include a bar that serves restaurant quality food? Yeah, maybe, but hell — who cares! Bundobust is guaranteed to impress your other half, if not with the food, then surely with the craft beer or the cocktails for that matter.

The menu is vegetarian through and through, taking inspiration from India with a series of small plates that offer plenty of variety. Make a beeline for Pizza Fella, a relaxed, down-to-earth restaurant that does one thing very well indeed. Will it be the number three, topped with anchovies, capers and olives? Or will you turn up the heat with the number eight, a feast of tomato, fior di latte, spicy nduja and balsamic onions? Either way, couple your pizza with a bottle of Italian beer or wine, for an understated but delicious meal.

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Budapest Budapest in Hungary Image: How to get there: The best part is there’s also brilliant accommodation that won’t break the bank, such as these great offerings. Krakow Krakow in Poland Image: Getty In recent years, historic Krakow has continually proven to be one of the best value European cities. Whether you’re sightseeing, buying a travel card or indulging in a beer or sipping on a glass of wine, most of Krakow’s prices come in at under a fiver.

Valentines Events (2) Walks (6) Workshop (1) Event Provider. Date in a Dash (16) drink and escape the stresses of the day with laidback sophistication. View upcoming events at All Bar One Glasgow (2) More details. Their VIP private area is perfect for our speed dating nights. View upcoming events at Browns Bar and Brasserie (1) More.

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Fine, it was only the passport before, at the end for Hills, but it was still a landmark. So, whats the landmark, you ask? Simple, something called the probation period. So, as I joked last night, short of a good acting offer, or a Californian millionaire of either gender whisking me off my feet, and marrying me, thats my job plans settled for a while, hopefully until retirement. Doing the same role? It would be a fascinating thing to do, good for my CV though hopefully I wont need that again , and something different in life, all of which will be good for me.

Thanks, DWP for everything, this lady is proud of you for everything. Especially as it was one their ladies, in the Huddersfield Job Center, who directed me to Civil Service Job pages in the first place! Yes, she wants me at the wedding, though I trust not as a bridesmaid! Which means that she is currently trying to plan events around my holiday in her area of the US well, close enough in September, which seems a bit of a short period in time to me.

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AA Thursday Emilio Sanchez’s precise lines and striking colors are reflections of his career spent drawing from Cuban and other Caribbean landscapes and communities throughout the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s. Although his work hasn’t been shown in Miami for more than a decade, it is right at home in our abundance of tropical sunlight and midcentury architecture, which should explain his re-emergence in Miami this winter.

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Taking place on Valentine’s Day itself, the mini-festival will feature talks, workshops, speed dating, live performance, a market and a big old party at the end of it all. Looks like love really will be .

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This Valentine’s, gift your loved ones an event experience at romantic places they would cherish the whole year. There are a lot of popup dinners, couple dance nights, pre valentines ball, valentines day games and many other events happening in Brigantine during the valentine’s week Reserve your night for valentine’s day events and parties in Brigantine.

One more thing, his family upped sticks from the Midlands and set out for a new life in Dartmouth. I should add that they originally served a quarry dating right back to South Devon Railway days with its own sidings trailing in from behind the speed dating manchester didsbury’s left shoulder.

Sign up to The Skinny Zap! A Guide to Valentine’s Events in Scotland Whether you’re seeking date ideas, anti-Valentine’s events or general distractions from the fact it’s the most sickly day of the year, Valentine’s weekend happens to be jammy-dodger packed with wicked events from Edinburgh to Glasgow Feature by Ellie Robert and Rosie McKean 10 Feb Romantic film screenings, retro roller discos, anti-Valentine’s comedy clubs and flower arranging workshops; Scotland has proved itself quite the overachiever this Valentine’s Day.

Take our hand, we’ll guide you through the top Valentine’s events Edinburgh and Glasgow have to offer between Feb. Shelter in Summerhall where the Edinburgh Student Arts Festival is throwing a day of events entitled For The Love of Science in collaboration with ASCUS, an organisation of artists and scientists who want to bring together the arts and science aw, cute. Looks like love really will be the drug this year. Sun 14 Feb, all day from 11am, prices and times vary.

Bring along your significant other or your significant flatmate to have a good old boogie. So much so that you might have to take Sunday off shame. Glasgow Though V-Day is typically a celebration of the lustier breed of the L-word, bromance is just as important. And last but certainly not least, the folk at Rollerstop are limbering up ready for their Valentine’s Masquerade Roller Disco Ball with a half-hour partner skating lesson beforehand.

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